Two words I never thought I would say – I Quit!
This is tough for me. Never have I ever chosen to run away
when I had the chance to stand and fight. I feel really really miserable, but
if I do back down on my decision, I’m sure I’ll feel worse.
There is a lot going on in my head now. I can’t seem to
focus even on my game or have the motivation to go out there and work on it. I
have begun to ask myself, “What’s the point?” “Why am I doing this?”
Clearly these are questions that shouldn’t arise in the mind
of a person who has given his heart and soul to a game he loves for over ten
years now. Is my fire dying? Or am I just distracted way too much to notice
that it’s still there somewhere?
I somehow am able to get to work on time, and able to do the
tasks at hand, which is the only positive thing I think of right now.
It has been over a week that I have missed now, not one of
them has bothered to call or txt me as to how I am doing. Arrgh, that’s very
selfish of me to even expect such a thing. I took up this responsibility understanding
what is, and what will be. It’s wrong to even think on those lines, it’s always
good to stay away from emotional attachments, it hurts a lot less.
Chances are it might not be as bad as it seems, but my
emotions are getting the best of me, as they always have triumphed throughout
my life.
Feels really weird that I have nothing to do in the
mornings. I don’t feel like going to play, or even for a run. I just need a
voice that says, it’s ok and that I have made the right choice. I hate hate
hate giving up!!! That’s what’s killing me inside more than anything.
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