Two words I never thought I would say – I Quit!
This is tough for me. Never have I ever chosen to run away when I had the chance to stand and fight. I feel really really miserable, but if I do back down on my decision, I’m sure I’ll feel worse.
There is a lot going on in my head now. I can’t seem to focus even on my game or have the motivation to go out there and work on it. I have begun to ask myself, “What’s the point?” “Why am I doing this?”
Clearly these are questions that shouldn’t arise in the mind of a person who has given his heart and soul to a game he loves for over ten years now. Is my fire dying? Or am I just distracted way too much to notice that it’s still there somewhere?
I somehow am able to get to work on time, and able to do the tasks at hand, which is the only positive thing I think of right now.
It has been over a week that I have missed now, not one of them has bothered to call or txt me as to how I am doing. Arrgh, that’s very selfish of me to even expect such a thing. I took up this responsibility understanding what is, and what will be. It’s wrong to even think on those lines, it’s always good to stay away from emotional attachments, it hurts a lot less.
Chances are it might not be as bad as it seems, but my emotions are getting the best of me, as they always have triumphed throughout my life.
Feels really weird that I have nothing to do in the mornings. I don’t feel like going to play, or even for a run. I just need a voice that says, it’s ok and that I have made the right choice. I hate hate hate giving up!!! That’s what’s killing me inside more than anything.