Two Words

Two words I never thought I would say – I Quit!

This is tough for me. Never have I ever chosen to run away when I had the chance to stand and fight. I feel really really miserable, but if I do back down on my decision, I’m sure I’ll feel worse.

There is a lot going on in my head now. I can’t seem to focus even on my game or have the motivation to go out there and work on it. I have begun to ask myself, “What’s the point?” “Why am I doing this?”

Clearly these are questions that shouldn’t arise in the mind of a person who has given his heart and soul to a game he loves for over ten years now. Is my fire dying? Or am I just distracted way too much to notice that it’s still there somewhere?

I somehow am able to get to work on time, and able to do the tasks at hand, which is the only positive thing I think of right now.

It has been over a week that I have missed now, not one of them has bothered to call or txt me as to how I am doing. Arrgh, that’s very selfish of me to even expect such a thing. I took up this responsibility understanding what is, and what will be. It’s wrong to even think on those lines, it’s always good to stay away from emotional attachments, it hurts a lot less.

Chances are it might not be as bad as it seems, but my emotions are getting the best of me, as they always have triumphed throughout my life.

Feels really weird that I have nothing to do in the mornings. I don’t feel like going to play, or even for a run. I just need a voice that says, it’s ok and that I have made the right choice. I hate hate hate giving up!!! That’s what’s killing me inside more than anything.

The World I Know

We are living in a world where gadgets have become more important than friends. The rituals of keeping in touch with our friends has been reduced to social networks from phone calls that were sincerely made from the LANDLINE.

With the 14th of Feb soon approaching, more and more loved ones are going to show their love and affection for each other by virtually sending gifts, cards and romantic statements which they ripped off from elsewhere.

Truth be be told,this changing world has taught me how to differentiate my friends from acquaintances and here is a piece of advice. If someone genuinely makes an effort to speak to you on a regular basis, then voila, never let that person walk out of your life.

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My Breakdown

I have lost the will to live,

I have nothing more to give.

Feel stoic in my veins,

I cannot differentiate laughter from pain.

 My head feels like a ton,

Makes me weak when I feel I have nowhere to run.

Tears roll down my face,

I feel the need to forfeit the race.

There is nothing left in me,

No pain, sorrow or even greed.

I hate the feeling I get now and then,

Makes me want to loathe myself over and over again.

I hear voices in my head,

They trouble me throughout the day and in bed.

I see things I don’t want to dream,

It feels so real; it makes me want to scream.

So much has changed since then,

I wish I had another chance to start over again.

It’s all lost now, everything,

But I feel no pain or anything.

It hurts to look back and grieve,

I feel I have no one left to believe.

Every second feels like a million piercing daggers,

I hate it when I don’t even feel any anger.

I am holding on to what I believe,

I will always be true to myself no matter what I achieve.

Its times like these I feel down,

But I know that if I keep swimming, I will never drown.

-Anirudh